Keepin Syrians out

               Governors of 27 states have now made statements to the effect that Syrian refugees are not welcome in their states. (Let’s set aside for the moment that immigration is not an issue of states’ rights, seeing as how it’s regulated by the Federal government. If you didn’t know this, stop reading my blog and please go read the Constitution, particularly Art I, Sec 8.)

               Their justification for taking this illegal stance is that a fake Syrian passport was found near the body of one of the suspected Paris terrorists. Yes, a fake passport found near one of the suspected terrorists. So in the minds (and I’m using the term loosely as a matter of charity here) of the governors of Alabama, Texas (okay, basically everything south of Mason-Dixon, big surprise), Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, Arizona, Idaho, Maine, Massachusetts, and New Hampshire this tenuous evidentiary thread – and by tenuous, of course I mean imaginary – establishes guilt by association for every person whose papers indicate they originated in Syria.

               And since the governors do not have the power to regulate immigration and naturalization (again, due to that pesky Constitution), the only possible outcome of their irresponsible announcements is to rouse the rabble. They’ve declared a de facto jihad against immigrants of Syrian extract. Of course we’ve done this before, to Irish and Italian and Jewish and Chinese immigrants. Worked out well for us before, didn’t it? Oh, wait…no, it didn’t.

               Even so, I think these governors might be on to something. Let’s kick out all the people who might be members of any identifiable demographic that might also include criminals. Ready? I mean, you had to know it was about time for one of my famous lists, right?

List of folks to boot out of the USA:

               Never mind, I can’t do it.

               I can’t make a joke out of something that’s so clearly wrong, pig-headed, bigoted, anti-American and just plain married-to-my-first-cousin-make-my-own-hooch-Bambi-hunting-third-grade-reading-level stupid. Besides, I’d have to start with Christians since more criminals in this country self-identify as such than as any other religious persuasion and pissing off Christians is like touching a third rail in this country.

               NO, I don’t believe I’ll favor you with a list this evening. But while I’m here, allow me to leave this note to the Republican Party (which I’m told boasts 26 of these 27 governors among its membership – mostly Christians too, by the bye): If you ever wonder why lifelong party members like myself have walked away, it’s not because we’ve become Democrats – we haven’t. And it’s not because we’ve given up on fiscal conservatism – we haven’t. And it’s not because we suddenly believe in Big Brother governance – we don’t.

               When you ask, if you ask, the answer is this – I can’t continue to be associated with the Republican Party because it’s just become too damn embarrassing.