The debate

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishing of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the government for redress of grievances.

The First Amendment along with the other nine amendments that we collectively refer to as the Bill of Rights was drafted by James Madison in response to the strongly voiced opinions of the then several states that the Constitution did not provide sufficient protection for individual liberties. In this very first amendment the framers made clear the bedrock principle that in a free society the right to hold your own beliefs and to communicate those beliefs was not to be infringed. The tenth Amendment then wrapped things in a bow: The powers not designated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

Today we find ourselves in a debate over the rights of a class of people – in this case, persons who wish to protect  rights of gay people consistent with rights of heterosexual people regarding marriage, survivorship, property held in common, etc. – who have long felt trammeled at the behest of those whose dogmatic religious stances deny their legitimacy. The Supremes have ruled that in the United States, same-sex life partnerships are fully as valid as opposite-sex pairings and that the several states are barred from making laws to the contrary.

We could spend the rest of our lives arguing the ins and outs of the ruling and of the multitude of positions taken by various constituencies who consider themselves key stakeholders to the question of gay rights. I am not real keen on re-arguing this battle. The Supremes have ruled, I agree with the ruling although not entirely with the reasoning and I worry that any faults in the reasoning may offer an opening in future by an even more ‘conservative’ Court to overturn this week’s decision. But it is what it is and the ruling stands for now.

Many voices, thankfully not a majority but still way too many for my comfort, are being raised to decry the ruling as godless in this country that they  would like us to believe was founded by and for Christians. And these voices are the ones that worry me most profoundly. But rather than engage in a one-sided debate on the matter, I thought I would lay out the reasons for my concern and let you take them as you will:

First, any suggestion that this country was founded as a Christian enterprise is clearly specious but nonetheless touted loudly and often by those who would have us all gathering at the river every Sunday. It was not. And if you have not read – at a minimum – the Constitution itself as well as the Federalist Papers, please do not engage me in debate on this point as you are simply not qualified for the contest.

 Second, freedom of religion demands as a bedrock principal freedom from religion. Otherwise, we’re a short slide down a very slippery slope in the direction of a state religion. Which religion should be the authorized one? Christianity? Fine, then which version of that truth do we follow? Even within Christianity there is not unanimity as to which version of your foundation document – your bible – is the one and true rendering. Which one do we as a society sanction? The only way to avoid the eventual slide into the vortex of state-sanctioned religion is freedom from.

Third, if we are to establish any democratic system of governance, it seems to me that the design must be undertaken under the veil of ignorance (Google will take you to a reasonable if incomplete rendering of this idea) regarding original position as stated by Rawls and respected in the writings of Kant, Locke, Jefferson, et al. Christians, be careful what you ask for.

 Finally, and this really gets to the nugget of my stance: Why do you care? The gay rights folks care because they feel their civil liberties are being curtailed on the basis of beliefs that have no legitimate standing as constitutional determinants. The anti-gay rights folks care because they simply feel that anyone who doesn’t conform to their view of the well-ordered life has no place in society. Which stance do you find the more compelling?

What is most perplexing is not that the Supremes have ruled as they have, but rather that the ruling was not unanimous.

The argument in main is settled, at least for the moment. This is not the time for continued debate. It is, rather the time for paying close attention to those whose continued caterwauling daily plays across the news feeds. Politicians of a certain bent are promising if elected to find ways to roll back the rights affirmed this week by the majority of the Supreme Court. Pay attention to whose voices are raised most loudly and unreasonably. These are folks for whom I will never, ever vote.

I’m makin’ a list, checkin’ it twice…

Road trips

I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoy road trips. Especially when they’re with someone I care about deeply.

In a few days, I will be off to Californ-eye-ae with Two for a visit to my side of the family before she moves to Chicago. We will spend a long day in the car together making fun of stuff we see along the way and discussing life. Then, three days of my sisters and their offspring and me bro and his wife, perhaps some hiking and lots of time sitting around making inappropriate comments about politics and politicians, old acquaintances and anything else that appears on our thought horizons.

Then another drive back during which Two and I will laugh about the folks we’ve just visited (but nobody tell them, ‘kay?).

My next road trip will entail driving Two to her new digs, which will involve three-plus days on the road during which I’ll regale me dotter with shameless lies about the origins of all the sites we pass along the way.

After a couple of thoroughly boring days spent keeping out of the way whilst Mary and One help Two with her move in (my contribution to the affair consisting of carrying the heavy stuff in from the car before becoming scarce for those two days), I get  to drive back home with One. We haven’t had a road trip together in several years and I am really looking forward to so much alone time with the young woman I so love and respect.

Okay, so I’m also looking forward to torturing the girl, what of it? Four days of mooing at cows, commenting on passing drivers, singing the wrong words to show tunes, pointing out buttes where there are none, occasional pressure relief with the windows up (Prove it was me – I dare ya!) and discussing the meaning of life. Could the girl ASK for a better time?

This is unfolding as a really good summer, yuns.

Inez

Very few of you know my friend Inez. That’s okay, I’ll tell you about her.

I have to pick up the story when Inez was about two-and-a-half years old. She lived in New Jersey with lots of friends her age and of course, her human handlers and trainers. She was a beautiful Golden with dancing eyes and a perpetually wagging tail and an alertness that seemed unnatural when in harness and an impish look when off duty.

I met Inez when Susan brought her home from the Seeing Eye for the first time. Susan’s former dog guide (Nelly, her second after the sainted Louise) had suffered a series of doggy strokes and although she eventually regained much of her playfulness she would never regain the chops or the desire to return to the working world of keeping Susan safe when out and about.

In order to let the dogs meet on neutral turf, I took Nelly out to the little park behind the library and we introduced them there, Inez with Susan in harness and Nelly at my side on a loose lead. They took to each other right off and I didn’t detect any jealousy on Nelly’s part at seeing her role usurped. If anything, she might have seemed a bit relieved. Bjorn, Susan’s husband had come to love Nelly and so she went home a pet that day, a retired working dog who would live out her days without professional responsibilities. Meanwhile, Two and I took Susan and Inez over to the college where Susan worked and practiced routes with them, defining visual cues for the dog and settling on arrangements for one truly ambiguous intersection (plazas are the bane of guide dog pairs).  Before you know it, Inez with Susan and Nelly with Bjorn had settled into a new and comfortable routine.

Time went by. Nelly became Bjorn’s constant companion while Inez partnered with Susan. Eventually Nelly passed and as these things go, there came a day when Inez in her turn let Susan know by a certain hesitance that her own time working in harness was drawing to a close. So the cycle repeated, Inez becoming Bjorn’s pet-companion while Cajun came home with Susan from New Jersey to assume the watch. After another round of familiarization coaching over at the college, life resumed its normal rhythms.

Last week, Susan’s son passed away and so she and Bjorn and Cajun are in Florida for the funeral and to take care of the business needs attendant on the passing of a family member. Inez is watching the manse and Mary, Two and I have taken turns going over to sit with her, let her in and out and feed her. Two sleeps there each evening.

Inez could feel the tension and sadness in the house last week and now is left largely alone, with only a dog’s understanding of human affairs so that she probably isn’t entirely sure she hasn’t been abandoned. Tomorrow, her tribe will return and she will know she’s loved and part of a family. But for tonight, we can only give her an extra pat on the head and hope she isn’t too sad. She can’t know how happy she will be this time tomorrow so all we can do is make her feel loved.

This is one time I really, REALLY wish I spoke dog.

(6/26/2015) Just realized I missed some edits and there might have been confusion as to which dog was which. Sorry about that. All well now.)

(7/19/2015 - Inez passed away earlier this week. Bjorn was with her. You never really know what a dog understands, but I'm sure she knew she was loved.)

Current events

I made the mistake of looking at news on the web during lunch today. There are just too many awful things happening in this world just now. I won’t list them here because you probably already know and if you don’t, why spoil your day, right?

So instead of dwelling on downers like the impending train wreck of a presidential election cycle or gunmen in churches and such, I thought I would take advantage of this space to share some things that tickle me. So, here goes…

A young woman of my acquaintance has had a recent experience with crashing and burning. Except, she didn’t. What she did was stand back up, brush off and start looking for a new direction. And another young friend has returned triumphant from a transformative experience abroad, with new lights in her eyes and a spring in her step.

Mary and Two did some ‘good shopping’ for Two’s new digs in Chicago and One is thinking about new adventures including a potential career shift.

Our friend whose son passed last week is finding out just how many people loved her little boy and valued his life. How many he touched and that she is not alone in her loss because she was not alone in understanding what a special person he was.

I recently made a major breakthrough in understanding how to finish my large writing project after a lo-o-o-ong dry period. And the breakthrough came on an airplane six miles in the air, so for the moment air travel is somewhat redeemed in my mind. The characters have awakened and the words are flowing. Watch out, Toni and Angela and Sruthi and get ready to do some editorial reading!

Odin the Large and Lazy’s cancer appears to be in some sort of remission (knock wood) and I haven’t had to yell at Zoey the Small and Annoying in (almost) a week!

I spent part of this week in Butte, Montana. In addition to meeting some truly wonderful people, I spent two evenings kicking around in this old mining town that I would never otherwise have come to know. It’s always educational to be immersed, if only for a few days, in a culture that is so removed from the experiences of my own upbringing.

And of course, this evening I’m sitting in the family room with Mary and Two and the dogs writing this for a small group of friends.

Don’t believe CNN. These are my current events and life really, truly is good.

Life happens

I’ve been worried of late.

Worried about small things. The seemingly glacial progress I’m making on finally finishing the novel. Money. Finishing the house renovation in time to sell it and retire. Losing weight and getting in better shape.

Worried about large things. The mental health and self-image of one I love more than life itself. A dear friend who has been going through an agony of life changes. Seeing this project at work that likely will be the worthwhile capstone of my career as an advocate for persons living with disabilities flourish and grow so it won’t die with my eventual departure.

Seems like worries are always with us. But last night I was reminded that worries – concerns or even dread anticipation – are simply not the same as actual bad things happening.

Last night I went to the airport to pick up a wonderful friend who happens to be blind and so needed a gate-to-home escort. She had been on the other side of the country spending time with her son, whose terminal cancer had entered the end stages. She’d come home for a brief “pay bills and recharge the psyche” visit.

When I met her at the gate she collapsed into me. Even Cajun, her seeing eye dog was clearly wilted by the experience of standing watch over the decline of a loved one. My mission was to get them both to the safety of their own nest for a few days so they could return with renewed vigor to help Bryan face this last enemy who will inevitably take him but can never defeat him.

Lennon was right - life is what happens…

We were in the elevator from baggage claim to the garage level when her cell phone rang. Bryan’s life is done and Susan’s is forever changed. Strangers who could not hear the words nevertheless understood they were witness to a tragedy unfolding. And they moved unbidden to protect Susan, forming a wedge around us as we walked – swear to God, a flying wedge. They held elevators and shooed tour kids out of the way and stood and waited watching without intruding when she broke down and I had to just hold her for a moment in the middle of the airport sky bridge.

The last eighteen hours have been a confusion of calls and texts and emails between Mary and me and Susan and the various people who needed to be informed, included in plans, included or consulted in other ways. Bjorn is heading back from Norway to be with his wife and life’s love. Bryan’s friends and father are making arrangements for a memorial. Mary logged in as me on the airline site to get them booked for the trip back for Bryan’s memorial.

There’s really not much one can do for a mother whose son has died. There’s just the everyday things like making runs to the store and checking that she’s eating and, well, stuff.

Bryan’s struggles are at an end. Susan’s will continue over the next days and weeks and our efforts on her behalf will be supportive but not restorative. That can only come from within. She’s a strong woman but life can overwhelm even the hardy.

So, what to do?

Here’s my request of you:

Turn to a loved one or even a stranger who is having a tough time and lend them some of your….what? Love? Fortitude? Wisdom? Any or all of these and more?

And if the person having the tough time is yourself, know that we care. Reach out. And borrow something from that caring.

We truly are all in this together. But only if we care to be.

Noblesse oblige, an update

Albert Einstein gave up more than a few quotable utterances in his time. I was reminded of one of them yesterday.

Mary and Daughter One and I attended Daughter Two’s commencement ceremony at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Which meant sitting through a number of speeches. The one by MIT President L. Raphael Reif was interesting and entertaining and touching. Others were fine I suppose but by far the speech that most impressed and most deeply touched us was by Joanne Zhou, the graduating senior class president.

She spoke of the elements that brought them all to this great day and pointed out eloquently and correctly that the biggest factor in their success was the role each other played in their collective lives. I know this was true for Two. We did a passable job as parents and she has the best seester in the known world. She had some great teachers at critical junctures and a couple who really stood out as mentors. And of course, it didn’t hurt that like her seester she had a world class brain.

It was a wonderful event, hard seats and two hours of diploma distribution notwithstanding. And now both One and Two have their degrees and their starts on life. I am so proud of them.

I look back on all the odd twists and turns in my life and I just can’t figure out how I ended up here. I am not complaining; I am part of a family that while not perfect is as close and loving and supportive as any I could name.  And let’s face it – father doesn’t always know best, if you really did leave it to Beaver your kids would not survive puberty and the Brady Bunch don’t exist in real life, thankfully.

We’re not perfect but we’re pretty good. And I know lots of other families that are pretty good. You don’t have to see your kids attend MIT or pursue their childhood dream of performing to be proud of them. Truth is, that’s not the part that makes us most proud.

That quote of Einstein’s that I was reminded of at commencement tells us that “Those who have the privilege to know have the duty to act. “

He was right. Both our daughters are among “those who have the privilege to know.” And both of them are people who care deeply, believe strongly and advocate passionately. I’ve no doubt they will act.

And that’s the part that makes this dad so proud.

Family stuff

So here I sit in our hotel room in Cambridge. Daughter Two has gone off to one of her pre-grad events and Daughter One is not flying in until tomorrow evening, so Mary and I are sharing a lovely, quiet evening. Tomorrow we’re going to tour some sites and sights in Boston that we haven’t seen on previous trips. Friday is commencement and then we have a couple days together as a family.

We’ll help Two move out of her house for the last time, share meals at places we’ve been meaning to try and of course, the non-me members of the famille will most likely do some ‘good shopping,’ whatever that means. We will have lots of time to just be us as a family.

I know it is not news to you that I’m proud of our daughters. They have each accomplished much in their still-young lives. Any Dad would be beaming to have these two as offspring. But it goes beyond that.

I spent a weekend last month with One, seeing her dinner show and just talking about stuff over meals. And today Mary and I did the same with Two. And I am struck by the fact that each of them is a person I’m glad to know. A person I’d love to invite to dinner if I were just meeting her for the first time.

Both have good brains, large hearts and a huge well of compassion. They are fun and goofy and fascinating and insightful and knowledgeable. Insatiable readers and noticers and understanders.

These are two young women that any of you would be happy to know.

And Mary and I get to spend the weekend with them.

Beat that with a stick.