Life Is a Pain

My shoulder hurts. I don’t mean just a little bursitis or run of the mill post-softball soreness. My shoulder hu-u-u-urts!  And it won’t bend in some of the accustomed directions.  This is not a function of old age, at least, not entirely.  It actually might have something to do with having lifted a heavy item from a bad position while doing some storm repairs last month.

This is not the first time I’ve managed to hurt myself doing home repairs.  Once, I reached without thinking for a tool clipped to the back of my belt and rolled right off the roof, landing caboose-first on the stump of an old juniper. That one spoke to me for awhile.

I’ve smashed thumbs, barked knees and been poked in embarrassing places.  But not all my mishaps have befallen me in the course of home improvement projects. 

The cracked ribs were the result of a dog-corralling miscalculation. I turned one way, dog lunged the other way, ribs hit the street curb.

Then there was the time I was replacing the house plumbing and rigged up a seat under the house so I could build the hot water manifold in relative comfort. I was so engrossed in the shear beauty of the multiple cutoff valves and all the shiny straight lines, I utterly forgot the bare knee that was perfectly positioned to catch drops of hot flux and solder dripping out of the half-inch tee in question.  When that solder hit my skin, I did what came naturally and tried to hop out of the way, bringing my noggin up to and touching a floor joist in a rather abrupt manner.  I’m told I made several interesting noises, not all of them pleasant or even socially acceptable.

Then there was the time I topped off a session of tool sharpening by dropping a 1” cabinetmaker’s chisel on my foot, pointy end down. That one got my attention.

I’m going to call the doc tomorrow about the shoulder. I hope she doesn’t try to convince me I’m just getting old. You see, I no longer believe that the encroaching aches and pains of aging are necessarily associated with aging per se. In fact, if there is a single thread running through my various mishaps, it seems the common denominator may just be gravity.

Gravity hates me.