The million dollar question

So, the question Toni poses is what one might actually do if one woke up in the morning with a million dollars that must be completely spent by midnight.

If it happened today, my first fifty bucks would go to the dog groomer for bathing Zoey theSmall and Annoying. Don’t know what she rolled in today but Dang!

Okay, but seriously. A million bucks. Okay, so what would I…think, think, think…

Yeah, pay off the mortgage and the college fees for Daughters One and also Two. Duh. But that still leaves a LOT of money to get through in the less-than-twenty-four remaining. And in a real world situation, I would probably reach out to family and friends to share the wealth. (I swear, I would.) But for the sake of making this post more interesting, I’m going to assume the riddle requires me to spend the money entirely on moi. See, I’m more interested already!

To enhance your ability to read quickly and move on to less worthy blogs, I’ll present this as a list of items I might find it amusing to purchase:

I would purchase a larger boat to carry my kayak. And maybe a new kayak.

A twelve-string guitar. I’ve missed mine ever since I gave it up.

A new whoopee cushion. The one I have requires manual inflation but now they have them with memory foam inside that makes them self-inflating, thus greatly enhancing the ability to deploy them stealthily. I personally consider this one of the great technological advances of the last decade.

I would book and pre-pay trips to Ireland, New Zealand, Tuscany, Antarctica, and New England.

I might purchase a vacation home in a place of Mary’s choosing. Depends on how hi-falutin her taste in vacation homes turns out to be.

I would buy ballroom dancing lessons for Mary and rent a guy to do it with her cuz I. DON’T! DANCE!!!

I think a lifetime membership in a chocolate-of-the-month club might be nice.

As would a pantry full of chicken tortilla soup and similarly wondrous comestibles.

Air conditioning for mine house.

One of those electric cars, once they invent one that can overcome inertia with me on board.

An old, beat up surf board that I can leave in the garage so when the door is open, passersby and neighbors will be fooled into thinking I was once cool.

A home theatre with Barcaloungers for all

An indoor swimming pool – probably the kind that cycles the water so you can swim laps without swimming laps.

The 64-color set of Crayolas with the built in sharpener that I coveted as a kid and never did get.

The best office chair

A lifetime subscription to Smithsonian.

Also Fine Woodworking.

And perhaps National Geographic.

A dozen new sweaters – I’m a big sweater guy.

A harpoon – if there’s gonna be a harpoon anywhere near me, I want to be the one holding it.

A new grill

A new patio to go under and around and over the new grill

(I know it’s possible I’m running short of money here, but I’m sort of on a roll.)

Three sizes of Vise grips, including the ones designed for stuck nuts.

A me-sized Hula Hoop (Don’t call up the visual on this one – trust me!)

A bicycle for Mary as good as the one she got for me and yes, this is still for me because then we could cycle together.

A small RV and a year’s insurance and fuel.

Plans and kitted parts for a Marty sailing skiff.

Time to go to bed and I need to post this, so I’ll take the rest in cash. Small, circulated bills will do nicely.