The need for validation

Let’s face it – we all have it to a greater or lesser extent. Am I a good parent? A valuable contributor at work? Do folks listen when I share an idea that’s important to me and that I think should be important to them?

So many of the ways in which I’ve sought validation in my life thus far turn out not to matter, not really. At one time, I was totally vested in being one of the top paperboys for The Bellevue American. It was such a big deal to me to go to that dinner (free and you got to choose what you wanted from a huge buffet!) and have my name called. And as you might surmise, I am likely the sole living person who recalls today its importance to me.

The funny thing is, in retrospect that instance of recognition was extremely important to me. And still is. I was honored for something that I did that other people valued. And it was not a transient thing that they recognized that evening.

In order to attend that congratulatory event, I had to get up at oh-dark-thirty without waking the rest of the family, fold and stuff all the papers, then trudge around in the rain or the snow or whatever the Western Washington weather had in store for me that morning. The papers were left under cover at the doors in those days, so it was not the drive-by-and-toss sort of thing we see today. Many days I got home with an hour to spare before changing into my Catholic school corduroys and heading off to school. Other mornings, I would be soaked and muddy, with barely enough time to grab my lunch and head back out into the rain.

And of course, the first week of each month my after school time was devoted to collecting the receipts for the paper. I thoroughly hated knocking on doors and begging for money, even though it was owed me for services rendered. Not all of my customers were as forthcoming as I might have preferred and some required multiple visits before they would finally cough up their seventy-five cents. But I dutifully went back and back until all accounts were settled.

My point is that the recognition by the paper company was well earned. And to this day it makes me proud. More so that magna-cum-anything. Marriage and daughters aside, I consider it one of my prouder moments.

Look, I’m no more immune from the need to be recognized than the next guy. I enjoy being told that my chicken soup is tasty or that I’ve done a good job teaching. I like it when people compliment the fireplace surround I built, and I get revved up when I receive the news that my writing has touched someone.

It’s the things I’ve done that I like to have appreciated. I don’t suppose that makes me unique. And right up there in the top five is that paper boy award. It was work I did not much enjoy and it took a lot of it to make any considerable money. But I did it and over time, bought my first set of drums. And let me tell you, that was the real validation.