Photo revulsion

So, there’s a news bit making the rounds just now about the creeps who use your own webcam to spy on you at home, work, whatever. They send a seemingly innocent e-mail which has electronic nasties on board and allows them to see anything within range of your own computer cam.

I don’t need to do a rant about how wrong this is. Or about what I think we should do with the creeps we catch. I’ll just say that the six years Luis Mijangos got for spying on women this way was on the light side, in my view. I’m thinking something along the lines of shredding and compacting would have been more appropriate but then, what do I know?

Several news sites have offered the standard advice such as putting black tape over the camera port when you’re not using it, turning off the computer when not in use, and closing the lid.

I have a better idea. Send me ten bucks and I’ll send you a color glossy photo of me wearing only a Speedo. Tape that photo to the inside back of the chair at your computer station so that when you’re not actually using the computer, any creepozoids who hack in will be treated to the site of my largely naked bodkin in heroic living color.

Admittedly, this does not prevent them from committing that first cyber trespass. But I believe I can confidently predict they will only hack you once. And if enough people treat these guttersnipes to surprise views of Planet Michael, they may just get sick of trips to the eye doctor and give up. Better yet, if they’re in a public place when they catch the first virtual glimpse of my loveliness, it’s possible their screams will bring the police, and they might be caught in Mikus flagrante!

Plus, I’ll be wealthy. See? Win, win, as they say.

But you have to move fast – with my newfound dedication to improving my bodily contours, Planet Michael is going to recede faster than the ice in Glacier Bay. And once that baby’s gone, ‘tain’t coming back, know what uh mean?