It’s all for my honey

I read on the news that it’s becoming fairly common for couples to have “snoring rooms” installed in their new or remodeled homes. That’s a special room where the snorer goes to sleep, thus leaving their partner free to enjoy a peaceful night’s sleep. Speaking as one who has occasionally been accused of emitting gentle nocturnal ululations, this seems like a reasonable approach to staving off marital meltdown. In fact, I’m so convinced of the merit of this solution, I’ve begun thinking about a design for our snoring room.

With Daughter Two going off to college and Daughter One already there, I have the perfect place in mind.  They won’t be using the downstairs rec room anymore. As a service to my dear wife, I’m going to redesign it as a snoring room. It will of course require some better sound insulation. That and the separation of a floor should leave Mary free to slumber without interruption.

Oh, and better carpeting. Just for the sake of noise abatement, doncha know.

Since I’m doing this primarily…er, make that entirely…for the sake of my beloved, I’ve decided to add other features that will make her life easier:

·         In order to save her the sound of running water, I’m going to put in a refrigerator with an ice maker so I can get midnight drinks without waking her.

·         And of course, a microwave so I can make popcorn with which to wash the water down.

·         I can’t always get to sleep right off, and the TV in the family room is too loud in the master bedroom, so I’ll bring in my own with earphones to avoid waking her.

·         I should probably move some bookshelves in there so I’ll always have something to read, helping me drift off without disturbing the peace.

·         If I’m going to read, I guess I should really get a Barcalounger.

·         Oh, and foosball. I really like foosball.

·         And maybe one of those foot massager things.

Some husbands would merely roll over on their sides. Not me, not for my baby. She deserves more, and I intend to give it to her.