A letter to my daughter

I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there when people died.

But it’s not the same, not really, is it? In my case, the horror came as the result of accident and I was a ‘first responder,” putatively trained to be prepared for the worst. No one prepared you. It was no accident that drove your experience of yesterday. And that makes it a wholly different sort of awful.

I guess I really don’t know what you and your friends are going through. We can talk about PTSD and survivor guilt and fear until we’re collectively blue in our faces and it does nothing to address your questions or assuage your…what? What do we call the emotions assaulting you this morning after?

Psychology 101 can’t help us understand the infliction of intentional, random, horrific injury. The news media pretend to try but only succeed in revealing their own ingrained blood lust.

What does a father say in response to a daughter’s questions that he doesn’t entirely understand and certainly can’t answer?

Toni is right about two things, at least these two things:

                Talking to someone who knows how to listen helps.

                Concentrating on the positive is central.

So I’ll do what I can do, the only avenue available to me and remind you of some facts that might help or at least I hope can’t hurt.

·         Authorities announced yesterday that they don’t need blood donations because they already have jammed refrigerators. Lots of folks literally gave of themselves to make that the case.

·         People were rushing in to help before the smoke stopped roiling out. If you look at the photos – and actually I don’t suggest you do, better to just take my word – but if you do look, you’ll see so many people, many of them wearing street clothes, squeezing pressure points and holding heads and hands and pushing makeshift wheelchairs. 

·         Uncountable messages were posted in the first hours offering a bed for the night, a dinner, a ride to strangers based entirely on need and not at all on affiliation.

·         Any one of the friends who read this blog would take you in on a moment’s notice. We would do the same for them and theirs.

·         Tobi insisting you get up, shower and go to lunch and lab with her because she knew the last thing you needed was to be alone with your thoughts, was spot on. She’s as good a friend as one could ever want.

·         You have the best big seester in the known world and she’s always at the end of the phone line.

·         The race will be run again next year because ultimately, it’s most important not to give in.