For a friend whose daughter will soon start peeling away…

Here’s what Mary and I think we’ve learned so far:

·         Touching skin will become less and less frequent but touching hearts need not.

·         Your best laid plans are fantasy.

·         Few of us are where we thought we were going but all of us got here.

·         Here is not such a bad place.

·         Making some bad choices is necessary – it’s easier to learn from stumbles than leaps.

·         Become savvy about Skype, etc.

·         When Skyping, study the background, then pretend not to notice.

·         Same for piercings, hair colors, etc. (Okay, so this one took me awhile – what of it?)

·         The quality of your child’s education and the size of your retirement account represent an inverse correlation.

·         Listening remains a key skill set.

·         You have to keep a nest for them at ‘home,’ but it can also serve as your newly acquired office. They’ll get over it.

·         Love and acceptance trump advice and consent every day of the week.

·         That boy you think is trouble, might well be. And you don’t have a vote.

·         In choosing schools, living one’s dream is infinitely more important than following the accepted path. Our dancing stilt walker and our budding engineer are both pursuing their passions. Two successes and neither more or less impressive and welcome than the other.  

·         Help them understand that lots of buddies are loads of fun but one or three truly loved and deeply trusted (and trustworthy) friends will ultimately be more satisfying.

·         Every now and then – and this advice is for both you and the offspring – stop and stare. Notice. Embrace.

·         Noticing will usually be more useful than seeking. Still trying to figure out why that is.

·         They are expected to break holiday traditions as the mood strikes. You are not allowed the same latitude.

·         No one said this would be fair.

·         Speaking of not fair, your sole path to grandchildren runs through them and the choices they make. Get over it.

·         You thought childrearing was tough? Fasten your seat belt, the ride is just starting.