Caught in the Headlights

So, another interesting morning.

I’m driving down the street after having my teeth cleaned and it occurs to me that a large café mocha might be just the thing. And sure enough, I see a barista stand just ahead.

I pull in at the drive-through window and as I’m putting the car in park and pulling my wallet from its accustomed ride beneath my ample caboose, I hear a charming young female voice asking how she can help me.

As I turned to face her, I believe what actually came out of my mouth was something on the order of, “I’d like your largest YE-E-E-O-O-O-OW-W-W!"  It’s possible I did spinal damage as I whipped my head around, trying my best to look in any direction except toward, well, THEM.

Dear reader, you’ll have deduced by now that this was no run of the mill barista. Even with that brief unintended look, I could tell two things: that she had the kind of body all of us wish we had and that the body in question was inadequately covered. I may be old fashioned, but I don’t consider a fishnet body stocking and pasties to be appropriate retail attire.

It turned out okay, I suppose. She laughed, I laughed, she made the coffee and I cringed and tried to find something appropriately neutral to say. Parking my eyes firmly on hers, we actually proceeded to have a polite and friendly, if brief conversation.

Of course, the real conversation played out between Guy Michael on one shoulder and Dad Michael on the other.

“Oh, yeah! Lovely NAKED girl!”

“Oh, yuck! Lovely naked GIRL!”

Dad Michael won. She was my daughter’s age. Ew!

It must be a primary sign of encroaching geezerdom when, provided unexpectedly with an unrestricted view of a nearly-naked, beautiful young woman, my overriding reaction is, “Ew!”