Special offer

“…and if you call now, we’ll throw in another (product of questionable value) for free; all you’ll pay is $7.99 for additional shipping and handling.”

Now, just what idiot swallows the claim that it costs more to handle, box up and address two than one of these junk drawer stuffers? And please don’t say the second one adds additional weight, thus driving up the shipping cost. For one thing, none of these things weighs more than a few ounces. And please tell me you know that the original price was already way inflated.

I’m pretty sure we spend more on crap in this country than some countries spend on food, shelter and hospital care combined. Designing, making and selling crap is big business. And years later, when the crappers have long since made their money and relocated to Florida and the crappees have passed away or downsized, many hardworking people will be employed hauling away the residual crap and using is to create air holes in landfills, thus enhancing the decomposition of organic discards.

So, I guess at the end of the day, the crap has some use, anyway.

We have some crap here in the manse. Not TV crap – we don’t call strangers in boiler rooms to give them our credit card numbers. Nevertheless, crap we have. So please feel free to think of this missive as less a lecture than a lament.

Think I’ll go throw away some crap. Then I’m going to bed.

You get a good rest, too. Good night.

(BTW: My nomination for the dumbest product in the history of As-Seen-On-TV? Perfect Polly, the fake parakeet, wins the contest hands down. And by the way, call right now and you can get two for the same low price!)